


A Phoenix Cry

by ReeLeeV



Series: MONSTA X Bingo Winter 2017 [6]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Greek Mythology, Angst, Fluff, M/M, Monsta X Bingo, can't tag much without spoiling, sorry in advance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-25
Updated: 2017-11-13
Packaged: 2018-09-26 19:24:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 16,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9918644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReeLeeV/pseuds/ReeLeeV
Summary: After finding someone to spend the rest of his days with, the worst thing imaginable begins to happen to Kihyun. There's no stopping it, he knows that. It's the circle of life, after all. But, how is he supposed to explain all this to Hyunwoo?





	1. Chapter 1

Kihyun sits in the back of the practice room, doing his best not to draw attention to himself as he always does. An inordinate amount of sweat drips from his face and neck, and he leans against the wall behind him in an effort to catch his breath. Hyunwoo glances over at him wearily, a silent question of concern in his eyes. Kihyun merely gives him a small wave, telling him he’s alright. The older’s eyes hover on him for a moment longer, but then return to the mirror in front of him to continue working on the choreography. 

He wipes at his face with a towel and downs nearly a whole bottle of water as he tries to relax. He blinks the sweat from his eyes, and resigns to taking a moment to himself before returning to learning the new moves. He absentmindedly begins to take his pulse, his eyes widening slightly at how quickly his heart is beating.

No, he thinks, dread beginning to enter his mind, it’s too soon. I’m only in my twenties, for God’s sake. A normal human life lasts about eighty years. I’ve still got so much time.

Kihyun shakes his head at himself.

It hasn’t started, he silently insists. If it started, I’ve be having the dreams. But, that hasn’t happened, so I’m fine. Everything is fine.

He then forces himself to stand, wishing to abandon such thoughts and focus on the routine.

 

That night at the dorm, Kihyun stands over the hot stove as he prepares dinner for everyone. It’s nothing special, just a stew to help the others combat the cold weather. The other members hang out in the living room as he works. He can hear Jooheon and Minhyuk bickering over what they should watch that night after eating, and Changkyun making puns with the titles being suggested to help keep the mood light. Kihyun smiles at the sounds of home, thinking this to be the best rebirth he’s ever been given.

“Kihyun-ah,” Hyunwoo’s gentle voice mumbles in his ear, surprising him slightly. An all-too familiar pair of arms wraps around the vocalist’s waist, and begins to sway them in place. “Are you feeling alright? You’ve been pretty quiet since practice.” Kihyun hums contentedly, loving the older’s concern for him.

“I’m fine, hyung,” he answers easily, despite the feeling that he’s lying to him. “I’m just a little tired.” Hyunwoo hums in acknowledgment, nuzzling his head into the crook of Kihyun’s neck like a cuddly kitten.

“You feel warm, Kihyunnie,” he continues. “Are you sure you don’t have a fever?”

“Ew,” Minhyuk’s boisterous tone suddenly teases behind them. “Guys, Appa and Eomma are being all love-dovey right by the food! Again!” Hyunwoo and Kihyun share a chuckle at the typical comment, Hyunwoo breaking away. Kihyun is partly relieved that he doesn’t have to answer his boyfriend’s last question, but also sad at the sudden separation.

 

The group eats dinner around the table, joking around and doing their best to distract themselves from their own exhaustion. The settle on the couch in the living room afterwards, Kihyun staying behind to do the dishes. He finishes up, and then makes a beeline for his bedroom. He’d love nothing more than to watch the movie chosen earlier by the others, but he’s way too tired from their busy schedules lately to even fathom staying up much later.

Kihyun enters the room he shares with Minhyuk, Jooheon, and Changkyun, and strips his clothes. Hearing the door to the bedroom open, he turns with a questioning glance.

“Kihyun-ah?” Hyunwoo’s concerned voice asks. He pokes his head into the room, blushing slightly at seeing the younger in nothing but his boxers. “You’re not watching the movie with us?”

“I’m just going to turn in,” Kihyun answers. He moves towards the older, and places a soft kiss on Hyunwoo’s cheek. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” Hyunwoo gives him a gentle, Buddha-like smile.

“Take your temperature before you go to sleep,” he tells him. “You feel really warm.” Kihyun nods, telling him that he’ll do that, and Hyunwoo kisses his forehead before removing his head from the doorway.

Kihyun begins to climb up to his top bunk with a sigh, but pauses. He glances over at the thermometer sitting on the bedside table from the last time Changkyun had caught a cold. Dread fills him at sighting the simple item, dread that reminds him that he isn’t a simple human. Simple humans weren’t deathly terrified of taking their own temperature.

He sucks an exasperated sigh in through his teeth, shaking his head at himself. He moves to pick up the thermometer, only hesitating a moment more before popping it under his tongue. He waits until it beeps, telling himself that it’ll be okay. This’ll only serve to set his mind at ease, to prove that the process hasn’t begun yet. He finds himself much less nervous as it finally signifies that it’s finished, pulling it far enough away to read the numbers.

His stomach falls to his feet, despair filling him in an instant. Triple digits blink up at him on the digitized screen, unwittingly signifying the near end for the young vocalist.

He pushes these thoughts aside, turning off the thermometer and setting it back on the bedside table. Maybe it was just because of the hot soup he had eaten during dinner. Yeah, that could definitely be the case. There’s no need to freak out yet. 

Kihyun sighs, moving to climb the ladder up to his bunk. He lies down atop the covers, not really feeling the need to use them tonight.

He finds himself praying to whoever may be listening for his fears to be wrong. He should still have so much time. The process is only supposed to begin when he nears the end of the typical lifespan of whatever being he’s reborn as. That’s how it’s always been. Why must it change now? Is it because he’s found something worth living for? Could it all be due to the fact that he’s actually doing something with this life, instead of just living everyday cooped up inside a house? 

Why should this life be cut short? Why is this one in particular different?

Could it be because, for the first time, he’s actually found someone to love, someone to live for?


	2. Chapter 2

“I’m fine, hyung,” Kihyun tells the worried Hyunwoo standing beside his bed.  He smiles at the older over the side-rails of the bunk bed, doing his best to assure him despite his annoyance at having been found out that morning. “Really, if I just rest today I know I’ll be all better.”

“A 102-degree temperature isn’t fine,” Hyunwoo argues. “I wish you’d let me stay home with you.” He pauses before adding, “It’s a good thing Changkyun-ah felt like he was getting sick, too, or else we wouldn’t have known about this. I can’t believe you were willing to go record with such a high temperature, Kihyunnie, and without telling us how sick you were feeling.” Kihyun does his best to keep the smile on his face, heaving a sigh.

“You need to go finish recording,” Kihyun says, ignoring the comment. “You’re behind because of all the filming you’ve been doing lately. Please, we can’t let Monbebe down.” Hyunwoo’s eyes fall, knowing he can’t argue with that.

“At least promise me you’ll let Changkyun-ah take care of you while we’re gone?” Kihyun nods in response, though he has no intention of lying in bed all day if he can help it. Hyunwoo hums contentedly at the nod. He kisses Kihyun’s fingers through the guardrails of his bunk, and then turns to leave.

 

Kihyun waits a few minutes after he hears the front door close before sitting up. He thanks his lucky stars as he climbs down the ladder that it’s only Changkyun staying behind. The maknae alone is much easier to contend with than the whole group. The main vocalist leaves the room, fighting the urge to poke his head out first to see if Changkyun is near the door standing guard. Kihyun shakes his head at himself, silently reminding himself that he isn’t five.

He sets upon doing the chores he’s been neglecting because of the busy schedules he’s had lately. He stops by the laundry room to retrieve the basket, and then moves through the dorm picking up stray clothes. He has to bite back a sarcastic remark about how the majority of the clothes are Hoseok’s, how typical it is for it to be Hoseok to have left behind the biggest mess around the dorm. He comes to the living room, where Changkyun sits with his eyes closed and head arched back, his lips moving slightly without making a sound.

Recognizing the younger’s typical lyric-writing position, he can’t help but feel relieved. It’s almost impossible to break Changkyun out of that trance the majority of the time. He softly shuffles his feet around the room, doing his best to keep quiet as he picks up what clothes are thrown about and putting them in the basket.

Having made the rounds, Kihyun spins on his heel to put on the first load of laundry. Changkyun suddenly stirs at the movement, jolting forward slightly. He looks around confusedly, having gotten lost in his own world, and pulls out an earbud at seeing what the older is doing.

“Why aren’t you in bed, hyung?” he asks, standing as he shoves his iPod into his pocket. “You should be lying down, resting, not doing housework.”

“I feel fine, Changkyunnie,” Kihyun tells him with a shake of his head, continuing on his way to the laundry room.

“Hyung, your temperature—“

“Is usually pretty high anyway,” Kihyun interrupts. “Really, I have a higher body temperature than most on my best days. I guess I’m just too hot,” he adds, giggling cheekily at his bad joke to deter the conversation.

“Even if that’s true,” Changkyun insists, ignoring the attempt as he follows the older through the apartment, “it shouldn’t be in the triple digits. Please, just go back to our room and rest.”

“I’m not tired,” Kihyun argues, “and I don’t feel ill. Besides, this laundry has been piling up, and since I’m stuck here all day I might as well do it.” Changkyun lets loose an exasperated groan, and Kihyun thinks he’s won. He gets to his destination and begins to sort through the clothes, throwing all the colored clothes and setting aside the jeans to be done separately. He hears Changkyun lean against the doorway, silently watching him until he’s put in the detergent.

“Fine,” he says at last, “go ahead and do laundry. Just wait until Appa comes home and he hears about this. He’ll give you that injured bear-cub look, and you’ll feel plenty guilty enough for not doing what he asked when he left.”

Kihyun pauses, turning slightly to glare at the maknae. The rapper smirks knowingly at him, fully aware that he’s just mentioned one of his many weaknesses where Hyunwoo is concerned.

“Fine,” Kihyun relents, moving to return to his room. He can’t even stand to think of Hyunwoo making such a pitiful expression due to something he’s done. After all, it wouldn’t kill him to lie down for the day. In fact, it might actually help him. This is his first time going through the process as a human, so maybe things that help the human immune system would help fight it off… It’s certainly something worth trying.

“Thank you, hyung,” Changkyun sighs, clearly relieved by his surrender. Kihyun moves to go back to his bedroom, already dreading the thought of lying down all day while all the chores around the dorm continue to not be done. He then smiles, an idea coming to him as he glances at the younger.

“Changkyunnie,” he says, causing Changkyun’s expression falling slightly, “you know what would help me feel better more than anything in the world?”

“I don’t suppose it’s a bowl of ramyeon, is it?” Changkyun asks in return. Kihyun shakes his head, a smirk of his own coming to him. He heaves a sigh, already moving towards the washing machine. “Alright, I’ll do the chores for you, Eomma. Just promise me you’ll stay in bed all day.”

“Done,” Kihyun agrees easily, squeezing Changkyun’s shoulder gratefully as he passes by.

 _At least everything will get done now_ , Kihyun thinks, allowing his smile to fall once he’s in the hallway. _Now I just have to find something to do all day_ …  

 

Turns out, Kihyun didn’t need to worry about such things, because as soon as he’s returned to his bed he drifts off to dreamland. Or rather, nightmare land, in this case.

 

Kihyun bolts awake, sitting up so quickly in terror that he hits his head on the ceiling. He drops his pounding head back against the pillow, pressing a hand against his forehead. He hopes dearly that didn’t leave a bruise or bump, hating the thought of making extra work for the makeup staff. He squeezes his eyes shut against the pain, images of his nightmare flashing against his eyelids. They’re chopped up and hectic, hardly discernible now that Kihyun is awake. His heart beats against his ribcage in a panic despite this, as if able to remember much more than Kihyun himself.

“Must’ve been an awful nightmare,” Changkyun’s voice comments concernedly, earning a curious glance from Kihyun. At this he adds, “You never talk in your sleep, but you kept on whining and whimpering, and you mumbled about a bunch of nonsense the whole time.”

“Could you tell what I was saying?” Kihyun asks, doing his best to sound casual but his mind going crazy all the same. If he said something about his secret…

“Not really,” Changkyun answers, giving the older a curious glance which tells the vocalist he didn’t quite succeed in his goal. He sighs, closes his eyes again, rubbing at his face worriedly.

The sound of the front door opening and the boisterous voices of the others sounds in the apartment. The two look towards the slightly ajar bedroom door, the gap through which Hyunwoo’s head pops a second later. An anxious light fills his eyes when he sights Kihyun’s weary smile.

“Are you not feeling any better, Kihyunnie?” he asks, frowning as he nears the younger’s bed. Changkyun descends from his own bunk bed and leaves the room, thinking it better to give the couple some time alone.

“I told you I felt fine when you left, hyung,” Kihyun says, forcing a lighthearted chuckle.

“You are sweating,” Hyunwoo observes, breaking his gaze on the main vocalist to look for the thermometer. “Maybe that means you broke your fever.”

“What time is it?” Kihyun asks, sitting up as much as he can without hitting his head again. He wipes again at his face, surprised at the sweat on his fingers as he pulls them back. He suddenly feels very unhygienic lying in his bed sweating like this, the need to take a shower filling him almost instantly.

“Almost time for dinner,” Hyunwoo answers, gesturing for Kihyun to open his mouth. He does so, and Hyunwoo pops the thermometer in. “Don’t worry, we brought some takeout home so we aren’t stuck with Hyungwon’s cooking tonight,” he adds with a chuckle. Kihyun hums amusedly at the comment. Minhyuk always claims that he can cook just as well as Kihyun, but Hyungwon is the only one ever willing to take up the kitchen duties when Kihyun can’t. Despite the younger good intentions, he couldn’t even cook ramyeon well, much less anything of actual substance for the group.

The thermometer beeps soon enough, and Hyunwoo takes it before Kihyun has a chance to. He makes a satisfied humph in his throat, smiling victoriously over at the younger.

“See, Kihyunnie,” he says, showing his boyfriend the result, “it’s good to listen to me every once in a while.”

Kihyun stares confusedly at the thermometer, very much surprised by the normal temperature being flashed at him. He hadn’t expected resting to actually work, after all. Maybe if he just uses the conventional human ways of dealing with sickness whenever he experiences the symptoms again. That is, if he ever experiences them again. He’s never dealt with this as a human before. He has no idea if they’ll come back, and if they do when.

He decides to push these thoughts away, focusing instead on his boyfriend’s wonderfully delighted expression.

It doesn’t matter. None of it matters, just so long as he has another day to spend with his beloved Hyunwoo.


	3. Chapter 3

The boys sit backstage, barely able to stay awake amidst all the usual makeup and hair prep for the pre-recording. It’s been less than a week since they finally made their comeback, and this’ll be the first time they get to meet with Monbebe. None had slept a wink the night before due to their nerves.

  
“You’ve gotta do it like you mean it,” Hoseok explains to their maknae, running through the moves with him once more. Kihyun watches, amused. Changkyun had periodically had issues while they learned the choreography to portray just the right amount of sexiness during the performance, only ever looking like an outright porn star or a meek child playing at being an adult. Changkyun does the body roll once more, waving his torso about as he runs his hands down to his waist.

  
“Yah!” Hyungwon comments, slapping the back of the youngest’s head playfully. “Don’t mean it that much!” He then turns to Hoseok, pointing at the growing bulge in Changkyun’s pants. “You’re making him get too into the choreo again!”

  
“I can’t help it if he has a thing for silk!” Hoseok argues. He absentmindedly begins to play with his own shirt, rubbing the fabric between his fingers. “Not that I can really blame him, though.”

  
“Hyung,” Kihyun intervenes, giving him a warning look. Hoseok shoots him a tired smile, attempting to ease the younger’s mind.

  
“It’s fine,” Hoseok says, “it’ll go down by the time we go on stage.” Changkyun glances down at his own crotch, hoping it does. He licks his lips embarrassedly, and goes to sit down on the couch to clear his mind.  
Kihyun sighs in exasperation, glancing back over to Hyunwoo. He squeezes the older’s broad shoulders thoughtfully, staring into the reflection of his hyung’s eyes as the staff member puts the finishing touches on his makeup.

  
“It’ll be alright,” Hyunwoo tells him. “We’re going to do great. We’ve got the routine down, everyone knows their parts… Even if Changkyun’s problem doesn’t go down before we go on, Monbebe won’t notice. They’ll be too caught up in the stage.” Kihyun sucks in an appreciative breath through his teeth at the older’s encouragement, earning a soft smile from him.

  
“Hopefully,” Kihyun murmurs. He returns the expression, unable to pull his gaze away from his hyung’s adoring eyes.

  
“Hyung,” Jooheon says, suddenly breaking through the blissful bubble forming around the couple. The two glance over in the direction of the rapper questioningly. “The staff say we’re on in five minutes.” They nod in acknowledgment, returning their gazes to each other once more. Kihyun sighs, leaning down to kiss Hyunwoo’s shoulder before managing to pull himself away. He looks over at the maknae, noting the obvious difficulty he’s having with directing his thoughts elsewhere. He shakes his head, sending up a silent prayer that their precious Monbebe won’t notice.

  
“Poor Changkyunnie!” Minhuk coos, dropping onto the couch and taking the youngest into his arms. Changkyun begins to blush, his eyes darting around the room as if looking for an escape.

  
“Hyung!” he complains. “You aren’t helping!” Hyunwoo and Kihyun chuckle, shaking their heads.

  
“If you want,” Hyunwoo mumbles, “you can sleep in my room tonight. In case, you know, things get a bit too… um… heated in your room. Again.” Kihyun laughs at the phrasing, arching back as his hyena-like giggles escape his lips. He bends down, brushing his lips against the older’s ear.

  
“I was going to, anyway,” Kihyun murmurs lowly. Hyunwoo blushes crazily, his eyes darting away from the reflection of the younger. Kihyun laughs once more, this time turning away to begin his vocal warmup.

  
  
The performance goes off without a hitch, for the most part. Despite Changkyun’s problem, everything happens just how it should. The stage setup perfect, and Monbebe seems to really like it. The boys now deeply to their fans once they finish, unable to fully express their gratitude through their panting breaths.

  
  
It's all the boys can do once they get home to stay awake long enough to bathe before calling it a night. They have another busy day tomorrow, but it's to be expected. It is comeback week, after all. They'll be lucky if they get more than an hour’s sleep each night.

  
  
Kihyun crawls into bed next to Hyunwoo, his skin slightly warmed by the shower. Despite their collective exhaustion, he isn't surprised in the least by the muffled moans coming from the other room. He only sends up a silent prayer that they clean up after themselves, absolutely loathing the idea of cleaning up yet another one of those messes.

  
It isn't long before Hyunwoo’s snore sounds behind Kihyun. He flips over, facing the older’s sleeping face. Hyunwoo has always slept with his eyes open, and to be honest it would freak Kihyun out during their No.Mercy days. However, now he just finds it incredibly cute. He chuckles, shaking his head at himself as he snuggles closer to his love.

  
He shifts around a bit, the heat under the covers becoming a bit too much. However, he doesn't want to disturb the older by removing the sheets, so he decides to just bear it.

  
He falls asleep easily that night, a smile remaining on his face until he awakens.


	4. Chapter 4

“Kihyunnie,” a gentle, low voice calls to him. Kihyun hums in acknowledgment, not quite wanting to wake up. He feels a hand being pressed to his forehead, and his name is called again, this time a bit more urgently.  
“Kihyun-ah, wake up.” Kihyun breathes in deeply, stretching his limbs. He isn't quite ready to start the day, though he knows he should. After all, how else would the boys get their breakfast?

  
Kihyun slowly opens his eyes, smiling up at Hyunwoo’s concerned frown.

“Good morning, hyung,” he murmurs sleepily, not yet fully registering the older's expression. He's too full of the warm fuzziness that comes with waking up next to your love that he can't really process much else.

“Kihyun-ah,” Hyunwoo says slowly, “I think you’re sick again…”

“What?” Kihyun demands, his boyfriend’s words making him immediately alert. He feels his own forehead. It feels a bit warmer than usual, but nothing to worry about. It isn't as if he's dizzy or anything. He sighs, shaking his head. “I'm fine, hyung,” he says. “I'm probably just a little warm from sleeping next to you all night. You are like a personal heater.” Kihyun gets up from the bed, albeit a bit slower than normal, the older’s worry making him paranoid.

“If you say so,” Hyunwoo mumbles. He gets up as well, pushing his glasses onto his face as he runs a hand through his hair. “I wish you'd check your temperature, though. It'd give me peace of mind.” Kihyun bites back a sigh, nodding in agreement as Hyunwoo disappears into the bathroom. Kihyun then moves to the kitchen, resolving to just tell the older that he did as he asked. A little white lie won't hurt anything, especially during comeback week. Kihyun can't afford to be offstage right now, not for anything.

  
After sharing a rushed breakfast, the boys hurry off to do their schedules. It's another hectic day, but none of them of them really mind. They've always believed it to be better to live a life busily. After all, they get to see Monbebe, and to them, there aren't many things better than that.  


They return to the dorm in the early hours of morning, all so tired they can barely even make it to the bedrooms before passing out. Kihyun had planned to sleep in Hyunwoo's room again that night, it being much more comfortable than his own bed, but changes his mind last minute. He doesn't need the older questioning his health again.  
It isn't that he doesn't appreciate Hyunwoo's worry for him, but he doesn't want his boyfriend to become too paranoid about him and report it to the managers. Everyone is trying so hard just to get first place in a music show this comeback... He doesn't need to drag everyone down.  
He falls asleep that night after some tossing and turning, thankful that the others in the room are too tired to be up to any funny business.  


That night, he has the dream again.

He's standing at a cliff, flames making their way up to him. He tries to run away, tries to find some way out. Finally, he thinks he's lost them. He ends up running into the dorm, breathing heavily and sweat dripping from his brow. He looks around for his fellow members, calling their names.  
Just as he thinks he's the only one there, Hyunwoo calls to him. He frowns confusedly, moving towards the older's voice. He follows it to the kitchen, where his hyung is standing over the stove. Hyunwoo turns, grinning benevolently at the younge as he pours oil into the skillet. Kihyun can't help but chuckle at the sight of Hyunwoo cooking, it being such a rare thing in the dorm for anyone to cook but himself. He makes as if to offer his help, but his feet are frozen in place.

"Hyung," he murmurs questioningly, glancing down at his feet. He then looks back up at Hyunwoo, and shouts out in terror at what he sees.

"Kihyunnie," Hyunwoo says slowly, his voice pained. Fire leaps from the stove, consuming Hyunwoo in only a moment. Kihyun screams, trying to move but is unable to.

The only thing he can do is fall to his knees, tears streaming down his cheeks as he watches his lover be consumed by the flames.  


"Hyung!" Kihyun shouts, breathing heavily. He looks around wildly, sitting up as he tries to remember where he is.

"Kihyun-hyung," Changkyun groans, clearly annoyed at the older. "If you're going to have wet dreams about Hyunwoo-hyung, go to his room. Otherwise, please shut up and let us sleep."

"Sorry, Changkyunnie," Kihyun murmurs, sighing as he tries to calm his frantic heart. He lies back down, staring up at the ceiling in the dim grey of morning. Images from the nightmare flash before him, and he shivers in terror. He sighs again, and descends from his bed. He knows he won't be getting anymore sleep, unfortunately.

He goes to the bathroom, deciding to take a shower. He can feel the sweat nearly dripping off of him, as if he's just come from a dance practice and not a bad dream. His footsteps pause as he passes the door to Hyunwoo's room, his heart stuttering to a halt.

 _Of course he's okay_ , Kihyun tells himself. _It was only a nightmare_. He takes a deep breath, nodding to himself as he continues on his way. However, he hasn't made it more than a few steps before turning back around and cracking the door open to peek in. He nods at seeing Hyunwoo asleep in his own bed, satisfied. _It doesn't hurt just to check_ , he reasons, and then closes the door as he continues on his way.

  
After taking a quick shower, Kihyun wipes the steam off the mirror, deciding to brush his teeth as well. He jolts back slightly, surprised at what he sees. Staring back at him is a young man with wet black hair and sunken in cheeks. Dark circles line the bottoms of his eyes, which seem much darker than usual. Kihyun shakes his head at his own appearance, rubbing at his face. His hands instinctively draw back at the heat coming off his skin. He glances down at his fingers, trying to come up with a reason for the reaction.

His hands begin to shake, his mind filling with anxiety and fear.

His eyes snap back to his reflection, unable to think of a different, more acceptable explanation for his obviously heightened body temperature and nightmare happening in one night.

"Hyung," Chankgyun suddenly yawns out, causing Kihyun to jump surprisedly, "I need to pee." Kihyun looks over at the maknae, wondering how long he had been standing there. Changkyun blinks a couple times, as if trying to process what he's seeing. "Are you okay, hyung?" he asks, squinting at seeing the older's expression of utter terror. He had never seen someone look so scared, not even Jooheon's most alarmed face being able to compare.

"Fine," Kihyun answers, his voice much huskier than usual. He clears his throat, realizing his tone, and hurries passed the younger. He doesn't want to be questioned right now, can't handle it.

Changkyun watches him go, frowning in concern as he disappears back into their shared room.


	5. Chapter 5

Changkyun watches Kihyun carefully throughout the day, as if waiting for something. Though, he doesn't really know what. The older had just acted so oddly that morning, and had looked so, well, so awful. Changkyun can't help but worry for his hyung.

However, as the day passes, he acts normally around everyone. He doesn't speak of what happened, and Changkyun doesn't feel as if he should bring it up. No one seems to notice anything amiss with the older, not even Hyunwoo, so the maknae is left wondering if it isn't just him being paranoid.

 

Kihyun is relieved when Changkyun doesn't bring up the night’s events the next day. If he were to say something around Hyunwoo, their leader would get incredibly worried. Kihyun doesn't want to add any more stress to the others’ minds right now. They're all anxious enough just trying to get first place for their Monbebe, especially with Hoseok's cold refusing to leave. They have more than enough on their plates. Kihyun doesn't need to pile on anymore.

He's still not quite sure what it is he's even going through. At first he feared it was the process beginning, but the dream from last night isn't like one he's ever experience before.

 

They get back to the dorm at a decent hour, for once. Kihyun sighs, staring at the recently-released cell phone in his hands. He's glad he doesn't have to ask the managers anymore to borrow a phone just to call home, especially now that the conversation he's to have with his mother is so private. He needs to ask his mom if this kind of thing ever happened to his dad, if these kinds of dreams just came with being human. He'd ask his dad himself, but the man had gone through the process shortly after Kihyun's birth, leaving all the explanations to his mother who had only experienced everything second-hand.

He sighs once more, hoping his question doesn't bring up too many bad memories. It's always been hard for his mom to speak of his father, which admittedly could be why Kihyun is so clueless now. He had never wanted to give his mother any cause for distress. However, now it's become necessary. He presses his mother’s contact, pressing the phone to his ears. He's thankful everyone was so worn out from the day, and had gone to bed almost an hour ago. He'd hate to have to speak in euphemisms around them when discussing this.

“Kihyun-ah!” his mother’s cheerful voice immediately answers. The sound brings a smile to his face, glad to know that he hadn't woken her up.

“Hi, Eomma,” he says. He can sense her shift in mood at hearing his defeated tone, turning from sunny to serious in under two seconds.

“What's wrong, Kihyunnie?” she asks. “Are you eating well? Are you overworking yourself?” Kihyun can't help but chuckle at her typical concern, though feels this time it may be warranted.

“It's nothing like that,” he tells her softly.

“But there is something.” He pauses, sucking in a breath through his teeth. Just how is he supposed to bring this up gently?

“I,” he says, patting his lips. “I was just wondering… about Appa. I was curious about what his process was like.” There’s a pause on the other line, and Kihyun can almost hear her heart beat quickening with worry.

“Has it started?” she asks him, her voice slightly shaking. She then sighs, adding, “Of course it has. You wouldn't be asking if it hasn’t.”

“I've been having some weird dreams,” he says after some hesitation. He really doesn't want to worry his mother, but he needs answers. So, he goes on, explaining the fiery dreams of death and mayhem that had begun haunting him on-and-off recently. He feels guilty for doing so, especially since this is the first time he's had time to call her for about a month. But, she listens intently, as only a mother can, and doesn't speak until it's clear he's finished.

“You should come home, Kihyunnie,” she tells him gently. “I… I don't mean to worsen your fears, but this sounds like it's beginning. Your father warned me about certain signs that'd pop up once the time came, and from what you've told me it sounds like these are what he described.”

“But I can't just pick up and leave,” Kihyun sighs. “I have a career now, I have someone, a lot of people, counting on me. I can't abandon them.”

His mother is silent for a long time, as if to choose her words carefully. He can't believe he'd ever been dumb enough to even allow himself to dream of becoming an idol, given his condition. He should've just stayed back in his hometown, worked at a little shop, and lived a quiet life until his time came. But, no. He had to move to Seoul, he had to become a trainee… he had to fall in love.

“Come home as soon as you can, Kihyunnie,” his mother finally says. “I know there's no talking sense into you about this, so I'll leave it be for now. Just be sure to come home the minute you can.”

“Of course, Eomma,” he agrees, nodding thankfully at not having to argue with her. “My next free day I'll head over, and we can figure this out.”

“Your father told me of a drink that could possibly help prolong the process,” she sighs. “I'll gather the necessary ingredients, and keep them on hand for when you can visit. Hopefully that'll buy you some time.” She pauses hesitantly before adding, “I remember you mentioning that someone else at your company isn't quite… _the same_ as others. Perhaps they could point you towards a cure, if there is one. It's a long shot, Kihyun-ah, because your father had never heard of one. But, perhaps, they've heard of something he didn't.”

“I'll ask,” Kihyun murmurs thoughtfully. He's  not quite sure if it's such a good idea, but will try anyway. Anything is worth a shot, at this point.

“Good,” the woman says, as if that ends the conversation. “Keep me posted on when you'll be coming this way, and I'll have a big plate of gimbap ready for you.”

“Thank you, Eomma,” Kihyun chuckles, the lighthearted offer warming his heart. “I love you.”

“I love you, too, my precious son,” she replies. “Please take care of yourself, especially now. It may help hold off the process.” Kihyun hums in acknowledgment, tells her that he will, and ends the call.

He doesn't particularly feel better about the situation now, but at least there's possible solutions.

“Everything okay, Kihyunnie?” Hyunwoo’s voice suddenly asks, causing the younger to jump in surprise. Kihyun whirls around to find Hyunwoo standing behind him, staring at him with concern. Kihyun's mind immediately starts to panic, wondering just how much the older had heard.

“Of course,” Kihyun answers, standing from his spot and closing the distance between them to kiss his cheek. “I just had to call and check up on my mother, is all.”

“I should do that soon,” Hyunwoo mumbles thoughtfully, dropping his face to his feet. Kihyun chuckles at the easy shift in topic, finding it incredibly endearing, and pats his arm. His hand lingers on the skin, unconsciously squeezing the squishy muscle for solace. Hyunwoo grasps the younger’s fingers upon taking notice of the movement, and kisses them.

“Come on,” Kihyun chuckles, smiling brightly at the action, “we should get some sleep.”

“Yaja,” Hyunwoo mumbles after him, pulling him close, “I'm hungry. Could we get something to eat first?” Kihyun hums, having to hold back an adoring laugh before he nods his answer. He then leads the older to the kitchen, and prepares a night snack for them.


	6. Chapter 6

Kihyun glances around the backyard, making sure that no one will take notice of his going back inside. Luckily, they're all too busy staring hungrily at the meats on the table to notice much of anything else. Hyunwoo is diligently staring at the fire contained within the small grill the company had bought for them as a housewarming gift when they first were moved to this new dorm, which Kihyun can only count as a plus. The older, ever since finding him whispering to his mother on the phone a few days ago, has become clingier than usual. Kihyun typically wouldn't mind such behavior, but now, with his condition worsening, he feels guilty every time Hyunwoo looks at him with those adoring eyes of his.

Kihyun slides back into the dorm, careful not to draw attention to himself. He makes his way to the room of the member in question, hesitation and anxiety at what he's about to ask causing his heart to race. There's a very good chance the man doesn't even know anything about any of this. Being what he is, Kihyun has always found it easy to sense whether or not someone isn't quite as they seem. But, just because you're born into this kind of world isn't always a guarantee that you know about it. He had never discussed it with the other member before, unsure of how such a conversation would go, but he doesn't exactly have a choice anymore.

“Hyung?” Kihyun asks, poking his head into the bedroom. Hoseok sits up, glancing surprisedly over at the door.

“Kihyunnie?” he asks, his eyes taking on a concerned light. “Is everything okay?” He chuckles before adding, “Did Hyunwoo-ya burn the meat or something?”

“No,” Kihyun chuckles in reply, closing the door behind him. “I just… I wanted to talk about something with you.” Hoseok hums in acknowledgment, sitting up and gesturing for the younger to take a seat. Kihyun perches himself on the edge of Hoseok's bed, tapping a rhythm out atop his knee as he thinks of how to begin this conversation.

“Are you feeling okay?” Hoseok asks, his hand suddenly coming to rest on his shoulder. Kihyun glances over at him questioningly, and is about to tell him the same lie he's been repeating since this whole process began, but Hoseok stops him. “I can… I can see that something's wrong with you. You're losing a lot of weight, you seem more tired than usual, and you and Hyunwoo have seemed kinda off lately.” Kihyun sucks in a breath through his teeth, shaking his head at his observant hyung. He never has given Hoseok enough credit for watching out for everyone. Or, at least, as much as he deserves.

“That's actually what I wanted to talk to you about, kind of,” Kihyun slowly admits. Hoseok's posture straightens at this, as if standing at full attention. “I was just… I was wondering if you ever…” Kihyun sighs in exasperation, shaking his head at himself. Honestly, how is he supposed to word this?

“Kihyun-ah,” Hoseok says gently, his voice devoid of all lightheartedness, “I know that you're… that we’re kind of the same, you know? I know that we’re the same in that we aren't exactly like everyone else…” Kihyun can't help but breathe out a sigh of relief, grateful that the older has put an end to his struggle.

“I'll show you mine if you show me yours,” Kihyun softly tells him, finally meeting his gaze. Hoseok immediately begins to blush and pulls away, and Kihyun can't help but laugh at the embarrassed reaction. “Not like that, hyung,” Kihyun chuckles. He leans to the side, pulling up his shirt slightly to reveal a birthmark no bigger than the tip of his thumb shaped like a feather falling through the air, a sign of his true species. It’s a mark that all those like him have, and, if he’s right about the older, it’s one he should have in one form or another. Hoseok “ah’s” in realization, and pulls at the collar of his shirt to show off a crescent moon stamped to his shoulder.

“Th-That's n-not what I th-thought you meant at f-first,” Hoseok laughs, stuttering nervously. Kihyun laughs breathily at the stutter, shaking his head.

“Obviously,” he comments dryly. “So, are you a…?”

“A witch,” Hoseok finishes for him, his voice dropping so low Kihyun has to lean in to hear. “I'm a descendant of Circe, actually. I don't practice much, though, because of the whole anti-witch stigma and whatnot. I can only really do simple stuff with herbs, and read energies.” He hesitates before asking, “What, um, what are you? I've never met someone with your kind of aura before…”

“I'm a phoenix,” Kihyun replies, the guilt overtaking his heart at letting anyone in on his secret before Hyunwoo slowing his words. But, he knows it's for the best. Hoseok whistles lowly at this, his eyes widening to the size of large discs.

“I thought you were all extinct,” Hoseok murmurs thoughtfully.

“We pretty much are,” Kihyun admits. “My father told my mother that he never came across another one throughout all his lives, aside from his own parents, and they disappeared centuries ago.” Hoseok clears his throat, shifting his position slightly as he licks his lips.

“S-s-sorry,” he says, “but aren't phoenixes supposed to be birds?”

“Every 25 life cycles, so long as a phoenix dies naturally each time, its reborn as a human,” Kihyun explains. “My eomma met my appa during his human cycle, and he died and was reborn as a bird again.” He shrugs, forcing out a light chuckle as he says, “That's just how it goes. She's taking care of him as long as she can.”

“Wow,” Hoseok sighs, “that's something you're never told about in mythology class.”

“Well it isn't as if historians, or even Greeks of the time, knew about it, hyung,” Kihyun laughs. “Could you imagine the mayhem that could cause? It'd be like a…” Kihyun stops himself, remembering Hoseok's confession only moments before. Hoseok merely gives the younger a humorless smile.

“Like a witch hunt,” Hoseok finishes for him knowingly. “Yeah, that's true.” Hoseok licks his lips once more before going on. “Not that I'm not happy about us talking about this finally, because I really am, but why now? What's it got to do with your health?”

“You know how phoenixes burn into ash and are reborn from that ash?” Kihyun asks in response, earning a confused nod from Hoseok. “Well, in the human cycle it’s kind of different, but not by much. It's kind of like cancer, a slow process that eventually results in me literally disintegrating.”

“Th-th-that's not happening n-now, is it?” Hoseok demands, his voice heightening in worry. He grasps Kihyun's shoulders, and stares hard into his eyes. “D-D-Don't tell m-me you're dying, Kihyunnie!”

“Hyung!” Kihyun shushes him, pressing his palm against the older’s mouth. They both hold their breath for a second before remembering that everyone else is outside, and Kihyun slowly lowers his hand. Kihyun releases an annoyed sigh, and smiles sheepishly at the younger. “I hope not, but I was hoping that maybe, because you're different, that you'd have heard about some kind of cure for my… condition.”

“Sorry, Kihyunnie, I haven't,” Hoseok answers with a shake of his head. “I'll ask my eomma, though. Maybe she's heard of something.” Kihyun hums, nodding gratefully.

“Thank you, hyung. I owe you.”

“Don't be ridiculous,” Hoseok tells him with a laugh. “Anything to keep our lead vocalist around.” He grins brightly at the younger, earning another breathy chuckle before he goes to return to the others. “Kihyun-ah,” Hoseok calls, giving the younger pause. “H-Have you _told_ Hyunwoo-ya yet? You know, about all th-this?”

“About me being a mythological creature?” Kihyun can’t help but chuckle as he shakes his head. “No, I haven’t. He’ll either think I’m joking, or that I’m crazy. Either way, I’d prefer to keep that part of me away for as long as possible.” Hoseok hums thoughtfully. His eyes drift between Kihyun’s gaze and his own lap, as if he wants to say more, but is either unsure of how to word it or if he even should in the first place.

Kihyun merely hums, as if that ends the conversation, and moves to return to the others, ignoring the budding guilt in his heart upon sighting Hyunwoo.


	7. Chapter 7

As Kihyun awaits the verdict from Hoseok’s mother, his condition worsens. He finds it more difficult to practice as hard as he did before. He has to take more breaks more often, clocking more time on the bench in the room than actually on the floor running through choreographies. His body temperature never tempers off into any semblance of a usual temperature. He’s even had to stop sleeping in Hyunwoo’s bed nearly as often, as his nightmares are becoming more and more frequent.

Every night, he dreams of losing his love to the flames, and he wakes up in a cold sweat. He merely stares at the ceiling above until it’s time to awaken the others, wondering through the silent hours just how he can possibly avoid the inevitable.

 

“I’m sorry, Kihyunnie,” Hoseok replies, keeping his voice low so as to keep from drawing the others’ attention despite them being in the room over. Kihyun closes his eyes, leaning against the counter for support as the disappointment hits him a bit harder than it should. “My eomma didn’t know much… but she said she’d look into it, so not all is lost!” He quickly adds this last bit, seeing how the younger wavers. He reaches out and takes hold of the vocalist’s arm, worried suddenly that he might pass out judging by his paling complexion.

“I’m fine,” Kihyun snaps as he snatches his arm away, his tone coming out harsher than he’d intended. Hoseok presses his lips together in surprise, and sheepishly retracts his arm. Kihyun sighs in exhaustion, pressing a hand against his eyes. “Sorry, hyung,” he mutters, his voice lower than usual. “I appreciate your eomma looking into it, and I’m sorry for snapping at you. You don’t deserve it…”

“It’s okay,” Hoseok assures him almost immediately, “but could you sit down? Please? You’re really worrying your hyung…” He chuckles a rueful sort of laugh, and Kihyun can’t help but smile at the sound.

A clearing throat echoes behind them, and they both whirl about to see who’s suddenly behind them. The movement proves to be a bit too fast for Kihyun, though, and he’s suddenly very dizzy. He leans more against the counter, his vision swimming as he glances over to meet Hyunwoo’s concerned gaze. The oldest in the room closes the distance between them in a single stride, and suddenly his hands are pulling Kihyun off the counter and slinging one of his arms across his shoulders.

“You need to rest,” is all Hyunwoo says, his voice a deep rumble. Kihyun hums, and mumbles something about having to finish the dishes, but his boyfriend is already leading him away and towards the bedroom. He’s too out of it now to notice the stern look being thrown in Hoseok’s direction.

 

After putting Kihyun to bed in his own bunk, Hyunwoo returns to the kitchen to find Hoseok finishing up the dishes from dinner. He leans against the doorway, crossing his arms over his chest as he dares to imagine that Kihyun had told his same-age friend about his condition, had let him in on some huge secret, before telling him. The thought sets a cold, furious envy ablaze within Hyunwoo’s heart. It leaves him wondering just what could be so bad Kihyun doesn’t feel like he could confide in the man he supposedly loves.

Hoseok turns, clearly having finished up, and jolts in surprise at seeing the leader there, leering over at him.

“Hyunwoo…” Hoseok mutters anxiously, not liking the light in Hyunwoo’s eyes, “I d-didn’t hear you come in. Ith Kihyunnie okay?” Hyunwoo visibly ripples at this, and Hoseok can’t help but flinch. He knows the other would never actually hurt him, but the knowledge doesn’t set his bunny-heart at ease in the slightest.

“Do you know what’s wrong with him?” Hyunwoo asks bluntly, clearly not in the mood to beat around the bush. Hoseok gulps, remembering what Kihyun had said about keeping his condition a secret from the man. He doesn’t feel right about revealing it against Kihyun’s wishes, but, at the same time, he can’t very well lie to Hyunwoo in such a way. Hyunwoo reads his hesitation for what it clearly is, and hastily walks over to grab him by the arms. “Can you tell me?” he asks, his voice pleading and desperate. The matching look in his eyes is enough to break Hoseok’s heart about five times over.

“I’m sorry,” Hoseok says meekly, unable to meet Hyunwoo’s gaze, “but I can’t.” Hyunwoo drops his hold on the other, sighing in defeat.

“Can you at least tell me if it’s serious?” he asks, causing Hoseok to bite his bottom lip. He doesn’t think it’s right to leave Hyunwoo completely in the dark, after all. Besides, this _technically_ doesn’t reveal Kihyun’s true identity, anyway…

“It usually is,” Hoseok relents, but quickly adds at the look of panic skipping across Hyunwoo’s face, “but we’re looking for answers! It’s kind of an… ancient, not researched condition, and not a lot of people know about it. It runs in his family.”

“Why’d he tell you?” Hyunwoo asks, his voice subdued in what can only be described as defeat. “Why’d he tell you and not me? Do you know a lot about this condition? Can you help him?”

“I’m trying,” is all Hoseok can bring himself to say. He shifts on his feet, unsure of how to put this. “My family works in, um, _alternative_ kinds of healing, sometimes, and Kihyunnie thought my eomma might know of a cure that he hasn’t found yet. She’s looking into it.”

Hyunwoo’s gaze falls, and Hoseok can see the interrogation is over. The older turns and begins to walk away, back to his love to just hold him close. But, he pauses, and turns back round, one final question on his mind.

“Can this kill him?”

“… Yes.” Hoseok doesn’t see the need to beat around the bush, not when it’s such a crucial piece of the puzzle. Hyunwoo merely nods his head once, and then leaves the room. Hoseok heaves out a breath and leans back against the counter, his eyes flicking up to the ceiling. He sends up a silent prayer to whoever might be listening that Kihyun finds the answers he needs, that the younger will be allowed to outlive them all…

 

Hyunwoo crawls into the bunk beside Kihyun, and wraps his arms around the younger. The vocalist moves close to his boyfriend in his sleep, and Hyunwoo can’t help but sigh. Even now, when he’s sleeping, he just feels so terribly warm, like his skin is on fire.

He replays the conversation he’d had with Hoseok, wondering just what in the world Kihyun could be hiding from him. He’d always thought he and the younger were almost brutally honest with each other, but apparently he’d been sorely mistaken.

 _Please_ , he thinks, closing his eyes as he tightens his hold around his beloved Kihyun, _don’t take him away from me. I just found him. Please, just let me spend the rest of my life with him, however long that may be. Let him stay with me…_

_I’m begging you, don't take him away from me._


	8. Chapter 8

Hyunwoo awakens to Kihyun whimpering in his arms. He sleepily pulls Kihyun closer to himself in order to silently comfort the younger. The older looks around for his phone, and grabs it off his bedside shelf. He has to stifle a groan at seeing it’s only three in the morning, and turns back on his side to go back to sleep.

“Hyunwoo…”

The man freezes at the faint whisper of his name. He glances at his love’s face, and his heart pauses mid-beat at the pained expression on his sweat-streaked face. Hyunwoo licks his lips thoughtfully, and moves away from the bed in search for the thermometer. He returns only a moment later, padding around on bare feet as quietly as possible so as not to awaken his roommates.

“Kihyunnie,” he whispers in the younger’s ear, petting his hair consolingly. “I need to take your temperature, okay?” Kihyun’s eyes peek open slightly, and the hesitation in them is obvious. He seems so conflicted, so in pain, that it makes Hyunwoo’s chest hurt. Eventually, though, the younger complies, and he opens his mouth ever so slightly to allow the thermometer to be stuck under his tongue.

When it beeps to announce it’s finished its job, Hyunwoo thinks it’s wrong at first. He goes to disinfect it, and then returns to check Kihyun’s temperature once more. His mouth goes dry as the 106.9 flashes up at him once more.

“I’ll be right back,” he tells the younger, and he goes over to Hoseok’s bed. The last thing he wants is to pull Hoseok even more into… whatever this is, but Hyungwon always takes too long to awaken, and he needs immediate help.

He kneels to shake Hoseok awake, which only takes a moment.

“I need you to watch Kihyunnie,” he tells his same-age friend, doing his best not to panic. He feels as if his entire body is shaking with adrenaline. “I need to call our manager… or an ambulance… Wait, which one do I call…?” His mind isn’t working right, isn’t keeping up with all he needs to do. He knows he should call one before the other, but is it against their contract to go directly to the hospital and bypass the managers, or is it the other way around?”

“What…?” Hoseok asks confusedly, frowning up at his leader. He glances over at Kihyun, then back to Hyunwoo, then back to Kihyun. His eyes suddenly shoot open as wide as physically as possible, and he practically falls out of his bed. “I’ll call the managers,” he tells Hyunwoo, fumbling around for his phone. “You go call the ambulance.” Hyunwoo nods, and goes to the living room to do so.

Hoseok crawls over to where Kihyun lies, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth. Kihyun’s begun to shake, his small body trembling beneath the sweat-soaked sheets. His face is contorted in the most excruciating of expressions Hoseok has ever seen.

“Hyung… ” Kihyun mutters, his once-strong voice cracking.

“Hyunwoo went to get a doctor,” Hoseok explains, reaching over to set a hand atop his dongsaeng’s. “He’ll be back soon.”

“You can’t… let him,” Kihyun tells him, his head flopping onto its side so he can stare into Hoseok’s eyes. “The doctors… they won’t understand. I… I just have to… I have to go home. My eomma will know… She’ll know what I need.”

“Kihyunnie, please,” Hoseok says, practically begging with the younger. “Just let us take you to the hospital. We’ll call your eomma when we get there, I swear. Besides, you never know. Maybe the doctors can help…”

“We both know they can’t.”

Hoseok bites so hard on his inner-cheek he draws blood. He wants so badly to argue, to say that modern medicine has made a lot of advances… but he knows there’s no point. He knows Kihyun’s right.

He knows there’s nothing they can do now.

 

The managers and ambulance arrive in record time. All the boys are up by the time they arrive, and hovering as one unit in the living room. They watch as the EMTs take Kihyun out on a stretcher, practically clinging to each other in fear. None of them had realized things had gotten this bad with their main vocalist, their dorm-mother, of sorts, but they feel as if they should have.

They follow the ambulance back to the hospital in one of the company vans with one manager, while the other and Hyunwoo ride with the EMTs in the lead. All hearts are heavy as they rush to the nearest facility, only two in the group knowing, and even able to fathom, what’s happening.

 

The boys wait in the living room as tests are being performed on their cherished Kihyun. Hoseok tells Hyunwoo that Kihyun had asked earlier for his mother, and Hyunwoo immediately pulls out his phone to call her. Minhyuk and Jooheon go off in search of snacks, saying they’ve got to do something instead of just sitting around.

Hyungwon watches everyone pace the waiting room with panicked expressions, his gaze unreadable as it follows mostly Hoseok. Changkyun shifts in his seat, pressing his lips together anxiously. He’s seen that look on his hyung’s face before, and it isn’t one he particularly likes.

“I’m sure Kihyun-hyung will be okay, hyung,” the maknae offers lamely, unsure of what else to say. Hyungwon hums, and stands suddenly. He grabs Hoseok by his sleeve and drags him off down the hall, leaving a dumbfounded Changkyun in his wake.

The maknae scooches down in his seat, pulling his knees up to his chest. He rests his chin atop his knees and closes his eyes, and begins to do the only thing he feels he can do right now. He prays that Kihyun, his most favorite hyung, survive through the night.


	9. Chapter 9

Hoseok confusedly follows his most handsome dongsaeng down the hall. He doesn’t exactly like the vibe he’s getting off the younger. It’s dark, tense, and only serves to worsen Hoseok’s own anxiety.

They finally come to a stop once Hyungwon decides they’re far enough away from the others. The taller turns on his heel, crossing his arms over his chest, and leans against the wall beside him. Hoseok shuffles nervously on his feet, chewing his bottom lip between his teeth.

“You know what’s wrong with hyung.” It holds no air of a question, but Hoseok refuses to affirm the accusation anyway. He doesn’t feel right talking to anyone about this without Kihyun’s permission… It’d been hard enough telling as much as he did to Hyunwoo, but that’d been necessary.

“Hoseok, tell me what’s going on, please,” Hyungwon goes on to say, purposefully dropping all honorifics to emphasize his own words. “I was awake when you and Kihyun-hyung were talking… From what you two said, he’s going to die, and—”

“Wonnie, pleathe,” Hoseok pleads, his lisp coming through due to his own desperation. His eyes suddenly feel about ten times heavier than they should, and the invisible weight on his back makes it hard to stand up straight. “I c-can’t say anything. I want to, I do, but I can’t. I’m not telling anyone until Kihyunnie tells Hyunwoo…”

“Is he going to die tonight?”

Hoseok’s never wanted more to be able to comfort his dongsaeng, to tell him that everything’s going to be alright… but he’s never been able to lie to him. So, all he can do is stand there in the hall like a useless idiot as he watches Hyungwon crumble in on himself. He pushes himself off the wall and walks away, probably to return to the waiting room, but Hoseok remains where he stands. He glares down at the floor, his grip tightening round himself as he hopes and prays that nothing more happens tonight.

 

Kihyun’s mother arrives twenty minutes later, after having broken at least fifty traffic laws to get there as soon as possible. She comes into the waiting room in a flurry just in time for the doctor to return, as well, a file of preliminary results in his hands.

“Mrs. Yoo,” he says, his voice wary. “Would you mind coming with me for a moment? I feel it’d be best to discuss this in private…” The woman nods in reply without hesitation, pausing only a moment to nod her greetings to the boys before following the doctor away.

Hyunwoo wants nothing more than to go with them, to be consulted about what should be done, but he knows it isn’t legally his place. So, he paces the living room until they return, his feet unable to rest.

Minhyuk and Jooheon sit on either side of Changkyun while they wait, doing their best to keep their anxious maknae distracted. The efforts don’t do much, though, as Changkyun becomes more and more of a muttering, rocking mess as the seconds tick by. Hoseok glances over at them every so often, but stops finally when Hyungwon gives him one soul-withering gaze that tells him he’s responsible for it all…

Hoseok knows this is completely ridiculous, but he can’t help but agree right now.

 

Kihyun’s mother returns to the waiting room an interminable amount of time later. She smiles tiredly at them, though the expression is tight and strained.

“Thank you all for coming here with my son,” she begins, causing all the boys to stand as one and circle her, “but the doctors are releasing him. He’ll be coming home with me for the time being.”

The members of MONSTA X frown in confusion, sharing an unreadable gaze with one another like a group only can when they’re as close as they.

“Um… eomonim,” Minhyuk mutters, his brow creasing together. “Is he… Is he really well enough to be taken home? I’m not meaning to offend, but if he’s really this sick shouldn’t he—?”

“You’re not offending me, Minhyukkie,” she assures the worried boy with a congenial smile. “I understand your confusion, but this is a family illness, of sorts. It’s very rare, and the doctors here don’t know how to handle it.”

“Eomonim, is this what his appa had?” Hyunwoo interjects, hoping desperately that his assumption is wrong. He doesn’t know much about how Kihyun’s father had passed, only what Kihyun had told everyone one drunken night last year. He just knows it happened before Kihyun was born, and that it had been illness that had taken him. The woman’s expression turns to one of surprise, as if she couldn’t believe that Kihyun had told Hyunwoo anything about the death… but she quickly recovers.

“Yes, Hyunwoo… I’m afraid it is.”

She then turns to the managers, and nods off towards the desk. They hum in understanding, and follow her a few feet away from the boys, out of earshot.

“What his appa had?” Minhyuk demands, pursing his lips together. “What his appa had _killed_ the man… Does this mean—?”

A choked sob suddenly cuts Minhyuk off, and Changkyun presses his hand to his mouth as he attempts to regain some semblance of composure. His hyungs watch him with heavy hearts, and Jooheon silently wraps a comforting arm around him. Changkyun turns to bury his face in the crook of the older man’s shoulder, and Minhyuk can only lean over to hug their maknae from behind.

“Hyung,” Hyungwon says, turning to Hoseok with pleading, watery eyes, “fix this, please. I _know_ you know what’s going on. Please, just fix this!” His voice grows higher with every syllable, it cracking under the pressure, and he reaches forward to claw at Hoseok’s shirt as his heart beats desparately against his chest.

“I’m thorry, Wonnie,” Hoseok chokes out, tears streaming down his face, “but I can’t. I don’t know how… I wish I did… But, I can’t…” He pulls Hyungwon forcefully into his embrace, and the younger breaks down against his chest. Hyunwoo bites hard on the inside of his cheek, drawing blood as he does his best not to break down like the others.

Despite his shattering heart, he has to remain strong. He has to be the voice of reason… He has to ignore the single tear that falls from his left eye, and hope the others don’t take notice.


	10. Chapter 10

After having everything sorted out with the company and the doctors, Kihyun finds himself being driven home in the wee hours of early morning. He has no idea for how long he was in that hospital… All he knows for now is that the sunset is so terribly beautiful, painting the horizon with endless colors as they drive into the countryside.

“Once you’re feeling better,” his mother says from the driver’s seat, “I’ll tell the boys, and they can all come over for a visit.” Kihyun glances over at her with all the energy he has left. His breathing is labored, and his entire body is a damp mess as the human side of him tries to fight off the fever.

“Thank you, Eomma,” he says, his voice a strained whisper. She looks over to him, and he tries his best for a smile, though it hurts to make any sort of expression with his chapped lips. He flops his head back towards the window, imagining the sun to be his beloved’s smile looking down at him to ease his pain…

 

None of the boys feel right about returning to the dorm that night. They all pile up on the sectional, and cuddle with one another. But, it doesn’t feel the same, as their best isn’t with them. Hoseok glances over absentmindedly at the shoe rack, noting with detached interest how messy the area is. If Kihyun were there with them, they’d all have gotten an earful… But, he isn’t with them. Not anymore.

“We’ll visit soon,” Minhyuk pipes up at last, his raspy voice hardened by travesty. “He’ll get better in no time, and we’ll be visiting him before we know it.”

“Stop lying, hyung.” Changkyun then stands from the couch and shuffles off towards the bedrooms, pulling the hood of his jacket up to hide his tear-stained cheeks. The others watch him go, each feeling more and more guilty with each step he takes. Jooheon waits only a moment before going after him, excusing himself with a quiet murmur.

Minhyuk presses his lips together in a thin line, and he follows Jooheon’s example. Hyungwon clings to Hoseok as they leave, as well, sparing only a questioning glance at Hyunwoo. Their leader only gives them a short nod, and they go on their way.

 

Hyunwoo sits there, staring at the coffee table with a vacant gaze. He remembers the last time he’d helped Kihyun clean that table, how it’d been almost like a scene out of a drama. Kihyun, glancing over at him with that brilliant smile of his, and Hyunwoo, his heart hammering as a nervous blush creeps across his cheeks. No matter how many times Kihyun would look at him with that smile of pure happiness, it always had a way of setting Hyunwoo’s face ablaze.

 _My Kihyunnie_ … Hyunwoo thinks, sniffling a little as he pulls a spare blanket onto his own shoulders. It smells like his boyfriend, and his heart aches dully as he finally allows the tears to flow freely down from his eyes. He sobs into the blanket, breathing in heavily the younger man’s scent, as he tries to fathom all that’s happened that terrible, terrible night.

 

Kihyun actually improves a little before the worst of it hits him. He’s actually able to walk around the house on his own, and his mother dares to hope… but then it all falls apart.

The next day, it’s almost as if he can feel his organs actually shutting down. His skin is peeling off, like he’s molting, and his hair is falling out at an incredible speed. It takes too much energy to even breathe, each breath growing harder and harder to come by than the last. He finds himself just wanting it all to end, if for no other reason than to keep his mother having to watch this happen to someone else she loves.

 

A week passes, a new text coming from the other members with a wish of well-being. They also tell him all that’s happening in the dorm, and it’s honestly the only source of joy Kihyun comes even close to comprehending.

**_Kkungie:_ ** _Minhyuk-hyung and I are doing the cooking for now, hyung~ When you get better, we’ll be sure to make something delicious for you~!!!! <3 ^^*_

**_Min:_ ** _Jooheonney and Wonnie have taken over doing the laundry for the time being… but please get better soon cause Wonnie has no idea what he’s doing_ _ㅋㅋㅋㅋ_

**_Hoseok:_ ** _Kihyunniiieeeeeeeee, Moongie’s ramyeon is so watery compared to yours ;u; Come home soon so you can make me delicious food~!!!_

**_Wonnie:_ ** _I can make you delicious food, hyung~~~~_

**_Hoseok:_ ** _…….._

**_Hoseok:_ ** _Kihyunnie, come home soon so you can make me delicious food~~~~_

**_Wonnie:_ ** _…. Why do I put up with this abuse…. :/_

**_Yeobo <3_ ** _: Kihyunnie, I miss you. Please get better soon so you don’t ever have to fall asleep along again <3_

Kihyun doesn’t bother mustering up the strength to answer many of the messages he receives from his dear friends and bandmates, but Hyunwoo is the exception, as he’s always been. He always answers the older, assuring him that he’ll get better soon, and that they all can come visit.

Both men know it’s a lie, but neither admit it.

 

Finally, on one especially hard day, Kihyun’s mother sits beside him, reading to him and watching whatever he wants to watch. He knows he’s dying, he knows there’s no way around it… He knows this is the absolute end. Although… not the _absolute_ end, as he _will_ be reborn and all… but this is the end for this life, and it feels about the same.

He hopes he’ll remember this lifetime, and that he’ll be able to use it as a reminder to not get emotionally attached to anyone in his next human life.

“Eomma…” Kihyun breathes out, wincing at the sound of his own chocked voice. The woman leans closer, grasping his hand tightly as her gaze wavers. “I… I need to say goodbye to them. _To him_. Please, can we have them over tomorrow?”

“Are you sure you can handle the excitement, Kihyunnie?” she asks softly, her face so close her warm breath tickles his nose. He nods, and she doesn’t even hesitate to agree. She kisses him on the forehead, and pulls away to dial his manager’s number on her phone to set it up. Kihyun drifts off into a peaceful slumber, his slow heartbeat growing steady as he thinks that he’ll finally be able to see Hyunwoo soon.


	11. Chapter 11

“Okay, guys,” Hongsik says from the front seat as they pull up to Kihyun’s childhood home, “she said he isn’t doing too well, so don’t put too much strain on him.”

“We know how to treat our lead vocalist, hyung,” Minhyuk sighs in exasperation, his hand inching closer and closer to the door handle despite the vehicle still moving. Hyunwoo chuckles at his excitement, unable to keep himself from doing so due to his own. He hadn’t believed it when their managers had called them last night to tell them about this trip. He honestly didn’t even truly believe it when he’d come to pick them up.

He’d only dared to hope this all wasn’t some sort of sick joke when they turned down the road to Kihyun’s house, and, now that he sees it, his heart beats impossibly fast. He finds it hard to breathe, and his vision zeroes in on the domestic setting.

“So, he isn’t getting any better?” Changkyun asks meekly from the back, chewing anxiously on his bottom lip. Jooheon coos and pats the maknae’s knee, trying for an encouraging smile.

“Just because he isn’t doing too well right now doesn’t mean he isn’t doing better than last we’ve seen him,” Jooheon consoles him. He then turns his gaze towards their manager up front, adding in a, “Right, hyung?”

Hongsik doesn’t meet their eyes in the rearview mirror, having been fully briefed on Kihyun’s current condition and unable to break it to his boys.

“Just… don’t expect too much, Heonney,” is all he can say, and the group falls silent behind him.

 

Kihyun isn’t aware of much throughout the day, but his strength suddenly perks up when he hears a garble of familiar voices in the hallway outside his room. He struggles to sit up, and reaches weakly for the beanie on his bedside table. He knows it won’t do much for his visuals, but as least it’ll save the others from seeing his bald spots.

When his bedroom door opens, Changkyun immediately is by his side, hugging him round his waist. The boy feels cold, and he can’t help but desperately wraps his arms around his dear maknae. His heart pangs in a dull sense of grief within his chest, as he knows this is the last time he’ll be seeing them, and he bites hard on his bottom lip to keep his emotions in check. He has to remain strong for them.

“Jesus, Kihyun-ssi,” Minhyuk comments, stepping slowly into the room. “You... You look…”

“I look like Death,” Kihyun finishes for his same-age friend, his voice coming out much stronger than it has in days. Minhyuk picks at his bottom lip with his fingers, a nervous tick. The others behind him shuffle on their feet, and Changkyun tightens his hold around his hyung. Kihyun forces out a light chuckle for their benefit, and his mother gives them a tight grin.

“Call me if you need anything,” she tells them all, and she leaves them. The others come in one by one, circling around him like anxious vultures. He gives each of them a meaningful smile, attempting to set their minds at ease, until he sees him. Hyunwoo. The love of his life.

The lie crumbles away only to reveal the fear he’s been keeping inside all this time.

“Um… I wanted to speak with each of you,” Kihyun finds himself saying, sucking in a sharp breath at the gravity of his own words. “I know you’ve all figured out by now that what I have is terminal, and, just in case I don’t make a miraculous turnaround or anything, I wanted to clear the air with everyone.”

Everyone grows stiff at this, but nod all the same. Kihyun nods as well, and sets a hand on Changkyun’s shoulder. He glances down, silently saying he’ll start with the maknae, and the others nod in understanding before leaving the room.

 

Kihyun hadn’t planned to do this, or else he’d have asked his eomma to stock up on Kleenex. He also would have planned something to say, just to not sound like a babbling moron on the last day he speaks with the men he’s come to consider family.

Of course, Changkyun isn’t much better. He turns into a human faucet practically the moment the others walk out the door. Kihyun can’t help but coo at his dongsaeng’s actions, and holds him as tight as he can despite his thinning limbs. He pulls the boy away, but only to wipe at his tears.

He tells Changkyun how important it is to put himself out there, to not shut people out just because the situation is tense or awkward. It’s a habit he’d noticed back when they first met during No.Mercy, and one that the rapper uses to blame himself with for how long it took them all to become so close. He reminds Changkyun that, despite his worries, he _belongs_ in MONSTA X, and they wouldn’t be where they are today without him.

Changkyun assures him he’ll remember, but just so long as the older gets better. Kihyun only laughs at this, though it turns into such a violent coughing fit it obviously scares the maknae. He squeezes Changkyun’s hand consolingly, and kisses the boy’s cheek before he has to excuse himself.

Jooheon comes in after Changkyun practically runs from the room, wiping at his eyes with his sleeve. The older rapper smiles widely at Kihyun, his energetic personality making a welcome shift in mood.

The vocalist tells Jooheon to not work so hard all the time, that life has more to offer than just writing lyrics. He tells his dongsaeng to try and find someone, because love is the best kind of inspiration. Jooheon only hums and nods his head, though Kihyun can see a flicker of something in his eyes that tells him he’s listening. The man’s smile becomes more strained the more they go on, and before long Jooheon excuses himself, as well, though he says it’s more for Kihyun’s benefit than his.

Hyungwon has always been one of the more sensitive members of the group, crying at shows like _Produce 101._ Of course, he argues that’s because he knows what it’s like to be on a show your entire livelihood depends on, but that doesn’t do much to subdue the teasing.

He cries now, though it’s quiet and not around Kihyun. The vocalist can see the redness in the dancer’s eyes, though, can see how he slumps forward as if his energy is spent. Kihyun reminds him, like the maknae, that it’s okay to open up to people. He reminds the slightly-younger that he loves him no matter what, that he’ll always be a brother—albeit a tiresome one—to him. And, even though Kihyun may not always be around physically, his spirit will always be there to shake him awake in the mornings.

Hyungwon leaves after that with a shaky chuckle, clearly doing his best not to burst out into tears again. Hoseok and Minhyuk come in at once, Hoseok clinging tightly onto the younger for strength.

Kihyun had been worried about Hoseok making it through this. Out of all the members, Hoseok has always been the most sensitive. Despite his wanting to be known as a tiger, he’ll always be the skittish little bunny fans and members alike know him as. But, it seems as though Minhyuk’s presence is enough to help him keep away the waterworks until they’re out of the room.

The man reminds them both there’s more to life than just producing music and singing, as he had with Jooheon. He tells Minhyuk to stop being so hard on himself, to just accept himself as he is and move on, warts and all. He tells his same-age friend that dating in the group is alright, because they’re all adults and can handle any breakup that comes. So, if he wants, he should take the next step with Jooheon as they all had been expecting him to.

For Hoseok, he tells him to grow a spine, for lack of a better phrase, and make a move on Hyungwon already. They’ve been waiting for the two to become official ever since No.Mercy, Kihyun reveals, and it’s beyond time that they do it already. Hoseok stutters out that he isn’t good enough for Hyungwon yet, the typical response, but both Minhyuk and Kihyun shut him up with an unamused glare.

Finally, after they leave, it’s Hyunwoo’s turn. The bulky man barely fits through Kihyun’s small doorframe, his shoulders brushing the doorjamb as he enters. Kihyun does his best to keep his smile plastered on, but it falls as soon as the door closes behind him.

“Hyung…” Kihyun mutters, his voice cracking weakly, “I’m sorry.” He feels his throat constricting and his eyes begin to water as his heart aches so much he’s sure the pain will kill him before this “disease.” Hyunwoo’s by him in an instant, his big body causing the bed to dip under his weight. His brow furrows in concern, and he takes Kihyun’s hand in his. Kihyun gulps down his tears, telling himself he has to remain strong.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t be with you forever, like I promised,” he goes on to explain. “But, I did my best to give you the rest of my life. I hope that’s okay…” He adds the last part as a sort of joke, but neither laugh.

“Don’t talk like that, Kihyunnie,” Hyunwoo mutters, his voice warming Kihyun’s cold, clammy skin. “You’ll get better soon, just wait and see. In a couple days you’ll be back onstage performing with us, and you’ll be coming home every night bickering with Minhyukkie and getting Changkyunnie to help you in the kitchen. You’ll be fine.”

A single tear falls down Hyunwoo’s cheek as he speaks. His voice is lower than usual, thickened by grief. Kihyun smiles affectionately, chuckling breathily as he meekly reaches up to wipe away the tear. The sight causes a tear to eek out the corner of his eye.

“Aigoo,” he teases halfheartedly, causing Hyunwoo to chuckle under his breath. “We can’t both be crying when you leave, or else the others will know something’s wrong.”

“Because you lying here looking like crap doesn’t do that enough,” Hyunwoo jokes sarcastically, and Kihyun playfully pouts.

“Yah!” he protests. “I’m totally rocking this deathbed look… Really, the magazines have heard, and I’ve got a photoshoot scheduled after you guys leave.”

The two share a small smile, the tense atmosphere growing warm and familiar. Hyunwoo leans forward and kisses his love’s forehead, not even noticing the freezing sweat that covers his pale skin. Kihyun sighs contentedly at the touch, his eyes falling shut.

“Hyung,” he mumbles, finding it quite impossible to open his eyes again as the exhaustion of handling all these emotions from the past two hours. “Could you stay with me? I think I’m going to rest for a little bit…”

“Of course,” Hyunwoo replies almost immediately. Kihyun feels the bed shift, and the sound of footsteps follow. He hears the door open, and Hyunwoo’s murmured tones. He’s already drifting off, though, so he doesn’t bother making out what the older is saying. Hyunwoo’s warmth returns only a moment later. Kihyun is swept into his arms, and he snuggles into the older man’s chest with what little strength he has left.

“I love you, Hyunwoo…” he mumbles, the last dregs of his consciousness floating off as soon as the last syllable leaves his lips. He’s pretty sure Hyunwoo returns the statement, but he hears it as if from far away, in a different place altogether…


	12. Chapter 12

Kihyun isn’t too sure where he is when he opens his eyes. He looks around in all directions in utter confusion. It’s just… empty. He isn’t in his room, as there’s no Hyunwoo or bed or knickknacks or clothes. He isn’t home, as there’s no video games or arguing in the background or Hyunwoo or begging for him to cook.

There’s just… nothing. Purely nothing.

Silence fills his ears, and it’s almost deafening. He takes a step, then another, but doesn’t dare venture too far away. He doesn’t want to lose his way, as he’s sure is all too easy to do in a place like this.

“Kihyun-ah.”

Kihyun whirls around, and is face-to-face with a man. He seems a bit older, but not by much. He’s staring at Kihyun with a look of utter love and admiration, and Kihyun is struck in the gut by a heady sense of familiarity. This couldn’t be…

“I’m so proud of you, son.”

“Appa?”

The man chuckles at the disbelief on Kihyun’s face. He steps forward, and takes the boy into his arms in a bone-crushing hug. Kihyun’s throat clogs up, and his arms circle the man’s waist as he buries his face in the older’s shirt to hide his tears. All this is so overwhelming, and so soon after saying his goodbyes to the others… He has no hope of holding back the waterworks now.

“You’ve handled this all so well, Kihyunnie,” his father compliments warmly. He breaks away, holding the young man by the shoulders. “I couldn’t be prouder of how mature you’ve been throughout the process.”

“Is it… Is it over?” Kihyun can’t help but ask, the hope in his voice clear. He’ll admit, his body doesn’t feel nearly as heavy, and his voice comes out much stronger than before. He reaches up to run a hand through his hair absentmindedly, and finds surprisedly all his hair has grown back. He glances down at his own form, and sees he’s returned to more than just skin and bones.

“It’s over,” his father affirms, and Kihyun can’t help but laugh relievedly. He jumps up once, just testing the strength of his own limbs, and is happy to find he can finally hold up his own weight once again, much less move without tiring himself out.

“Kihyunnie!”

There’s a sudden pull in his chest, causing him to double over in pain and shock. He gasps, the pull burning him inside with an intense desire to find its source and never leave it.

 _Hyunwoo_ , Kihyun realizes as he hears the voice again. He turns to glance behind himself, pressing his lips together in uncertainty.

“You’re a special case, you know,” the man says, drawing Kihyun’s attention back to him. Kihyun turns to face him, his brow scrunched up questioningly. “You’re not just a phoenix, Kihyunnie, but also a human. This reincarnation thing effects only your phoenix half. Your human half, although close to death, could easily be healed with the right care…”

“What do you mean?” Kihyun asks, his mind going a million miles a second at what his father could possibly be telling him this for. “That doesn’t make a difference, because—”

“Because you’re still dead?” his appa interjects, an amused smile contorting his lips. “Your human half can be healed, and, if you’ll remember, you started crying just before you fell asleep. Do you remember why your eomma always warned you about crying in front of others?”

“Because my tears…” Kihyun drifts off midsentence, recalling all the times in his childhood his mother had told him to keep it in unless he was around someone he absolutely trusted, not because she wanted him to keep it bottled up, but because…

Kihyun’s gaze flicks up to meet his father’s, a silent question in his eyes. His father only nods, a small smile on his face now. He reaches out, grasping Kihyun by the shoulder.

“You have a choice to make, my son,” he tells the boy. “Make sure you make the right one.”

Kihyun gulps hard, chewing on his bottom lip anxiously. He feels the tug in his heart once more, and he releases a small laugh, glancing back again as his decision is already made.

 

“Kihyunnie!” Hyunwoo calls frantically, shaking his love’s limp form.

No. Things can’t end like this. He refuses to let the younger die like this.

“Kihyunnie… Kihyunnie, _please_ ,” Hyunwoo pleads, his voice breaking as the tears he’d held back before demand to fall. He kneads his bottom lip between his teeth, unable to tear his eyes away from how Kihyun doesn’t respond to his call.

The bedroom door behind him swings open, and soon Kihyun’s mother is kneeling beside him. Her eyes are sorrowful, but unsurprised. She sets a gentle hand on Hyunwoo’s arm, and he finally looks away from Kihyun only to give the woman a pain-stricken gaze. He glances between the two, completely at a loss as to why he’s the only one reacting to all this.

“Hyunwoo,” she mutters softly, sympathetically, “it’s done. He’s finally no longer in pain. We need to be grateful for that.”

Hyunwoo can only shake his head in reply. His disbelieving stare returns to Kihyun. His eyes zero in on a single tear on his pale cheek he hadn’t noticed before.

 _He must’ve cried in his sleep_ , Hyunwoo thinks numbly. He reaches up to wipe away the tear from the man’s perfect face, but, just as his thumb is about to touch it, it shimmers ever so slightly and seems to sink into Kihyun’s skin.

He pulls his hand back, blinking and staring hard at the skin once again. Surely he hadn’t seen right. Surely—

The man in his arms suddenly stirs, the softest of groans emitting from his throat, and Hyunwoo and the woman both lean back in shock. Hyunwoo dares to hope, leaning forward again as if to mentally will Kihyun to open his eyes.

As if on cue, the vocalist’s eyelids slowly crack apart, revealing his beautiful brown eyes.

“… Hyunwoo~” Kihyun breathes out, his tone sweet and loving. Hyunwoo releases a shaky cry, and pulls Kihyun into a tight embrace. Kihyun raises his arms and hugs back with a surprising amount of strength. He glances past Hyunwoo’s shoulder to see his mother and the other members circling him, each with an equal look of astonishment on their faces. He only chuckles breathily, making a mental note to explain things to his mother after the excitement dies down.

For now, he’s just glad to be in Hyunwoo’s arms again.

 


	13. Epilogue

Kihyun hums a jaunty tune under his breath, tapping his foot to said tune as he works. It’s been a month now since his miraculous recovery, and the others have finally allowed him to cook alone again. Their care for him had been touching at first when he’d returned to the dorm, but it’d soon turned incredibly annoying. He eventually had to snap at them to finally get the others to back off. So, now he’s here, cooking up a big apology meal to make it up to them.

He replays what had happened that day, still a bit unsure on where he had been or whether it had really happened in the first place. All he knows is, he found a way around dying.

_“You mean, if I choose, I can go back?”_

_“If you choose to allow your own tears to heal your human half, then your phoenix half will have no choice but to follow suit, as they live hand in hand. A phoenix can’t heal itself, but, because you’re half human, you can work around that.”_

The vocalist smiles to himself, sending up a silent prayer of gratitude to his father, wherever he might be.

“You look happy…” a low voice mutters behind him, and he turns with a brilliant smile towards his boyfriend. Hyunwoo smiles benevolently at him, and steps closer. He takes the smaller man into his arms, leaning down to nuzzle his face into Kihyun’s hair. Kihyun chuckles affectionately, and sets the knife down only to turn and hug the man back.

“Of course I’m happy, yeobo,” Kihyun says. “I’m home with you and the boys, and healthier than I’ve ever been.”

“Your recovery has been pretty unbelievable,” Hyunwoo comments. He pulls away, causing the younger to meet his eyes curiously. “Not that I’m meaning to complain, but I’ve been meaning to ask about that. But, you’ve been swarmed by the others ever since you got back, and I couldn’t. I think now’s a good time, if you can talk.”

Kihyun’s heart beats anxiously in his chest. He’s had a feeling ever since he woke up that Hyunwoo knows something that he shouldn’t, or, rather, that Kihyun hasn’t told him yet. The vocalist finds himself nodding before he can think himself out of it, and goes with Hyunwoo to the table. They sit down beside each other, though there’s a noticeable space between their knees.

He sucks in a breath through his front teeth as he thinks of what the older could want to say. Maybe he had talked in his sleep that day, and Hyunwoo had heard him say something incriminating. Maybe it’s nothing. Maybe Kihyun’s just psyching himself out for nothing. Maybe—

“When you were asleep, and I thought you weren’t going to wake up,” Hyunwoo begins, his voice heavy with the terrifying memory, “I could’ve sworn I saw... Well, I know this is going to sound crazy, but I was sure I saw your skin _absorb_ a tear.”

Kihyun’s gaze falls, and he gulps anxiously. Hyunwoo watches this reaction, his suspicions rising. He’d partly wanted Kihyun to laugh off his words and tell him he must’ve seen wrong or something, but now…

“Hyung,” Kihyun begins sincerely, reaching forward to place a gentle hand on the older’s knee, “I think it’s time I told you something about me, about my father.”

Hyunwoo’s eyes crinkle ever so slightly in silent question, but he doesn’t say anything. He only nods for the younger to continue. Kihyun inhales deeply, trying to calm his racing heart, as he tries to find just where to begin.


	14. A/N

Wow, first off, I am sO SORRY it took me so long to finish this. Really, it’s practically sinful how long I made you lovely people wait for the ending to this. As I’m sure some of my more habitual fic-readers will notice, I have a LOT of different projects going, and this one, unfortunately, just sort of got buried in the ever-growing heap. I am so terribly sorry for that ;-;

Secondly, I hope it was worth the wait~! ^^* I love reading your comments, I read every single one even though I may not reply, and it’s so heartwarming to see your reactions. So, please, feel free to comment as much as you like your opinions on this fic!!!

This, honestly, wasn’t how I originally was going to end this story. At first, I was going to have Kihyun die, give y’all a nice, tearful funeral scene, and be done. But, I just couldn’t bring myself to do that. I HAD to give our boys a happy ending, because that’s what they deserve, whether it be in the fic-verse or in real life, lol. (That being said, I do have the original ending on file and am willing to upload it for my angst-lovers out there~ Just ask and I’ll be more than happy to give y’all a bonus chapter ^^)

Thank you everyone for your incredible patience and diligence with this story. I’m doing my best to get updates on (and even finish) some of my older fics, so please anticipate that.

Well, that’s all from me~ Again, thank you so much, and I hope y’all enjoyed it!!! I’ll see y’all in the next fic ^^* <3333

MONSTA X fighting~! Monbebe fighting~! <3333


	15. Bonus Chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ye ask and ye shall receive, lol. Here's the bonus chapter for you guys~ This was originally going to be the ending, but I couldn't bring myself to make it the 'official' one in the end. It's set before chapter 12, before Kihyun knows he can heal himself... Enjoy~! ^^*

The first day after had been hard, and the day after, and then the day after that.

But, Hyunwoo doesn’t expect that to change any time soon, if ever.

He stands at the mouth of a hole in the ground, which is just big enough for the casket being lowered into it. He stares at it numbly. He feels a wet sensation on the top of his head, but doesn’t bother looking up. It’s been cloudy ever since that cursed day, the worst day of his life, and he doesn’t expect it to let up any time soon.

“Thank you all for coming today,” Kihyun’s mother says from somewhere to his left. The others around him hum in acknowledgment, and say that there’s nowhere else they’d even imagine being today. Hyunwoo can’t speak, can’t even think.

The love of his life has left him, for good.

He used to think after No.Mercy had failed to tear them apart that absolutely nothing would do so. He’d been so wrong, so terribly wrong.

There’s a hand on his shoulder, and he finally glances away to see Hoseok trying to give him a sympathetic smile though it really comes off as saddened and pained. Hyunwoo appreciates the gesture anyway. Or, at least, he knows he’s supposed to appreciate the gesture. He tries to bring himself to smile in return, but he can’t quite manage it.

He’d always been called the robot of MONSTA X, but now he knows what it truly feels like to be such.

It takes too much effort to make even the slightest of expressions. Any positive emotion feels wrong, so insensitive, as if he’s betraying the man in the ground somehow.

Hyunwoo looks back down at the casket, now fully set in the open grave.

A shrill bird cry echoes across the cemetery from the sky, and suddenly there’s a sharp pair of talons digging into Hyunwoo’s shoulder. He glances over with delayed surprise to find a magnificent red bird with varying shades of feathers and cunning brown eyes staring almost consolingly at him.

The look makes Hyunwoo’s heart stop mid-beat, it feeling oddly familiar. His mouth goes dry, his blood roaring in his ears as he realizes just where he’d felt such a caring gaze before.

 _Kihyunnie_ …

He raises a single hand, and offers out a finger. The bird willingly complies, allowing the man to pet the top of its head.

For the first time since his love’s death, he feels the slightest of smiles tugging at his lips.

The bird leans back its head, opens its beak, and let’s loose the most beautiful song Hyunwoo has ever heard… Well, the second most beautiful. It’s nothing compared to Kihyun’s beautiful vocals. The bird stares at him after its cry, a knowing light to its eyes.

“I think he likes you,” Kihyun’s mother comments. He turns to see a rueful smile pulling at her lips, and he can only hum in response. “That was Kihyun’s, you know. You’re more than welcome to take him with you. I’m sure he’d be happier with you than with me.”

“I couldn’t—”

“I insist.”

Hyunwoo presses his lips together, unable to argue with the woman.

“We’ve got to go,” Hongsik’s voice suddenly says from behind. He and the rest of the Starship posse that had come to say their goodbyes stand with solemn expressions, and begin to disperse towards the line of black vehicles. Hyunwoo glances back down where his love lies, and gulps back the tears as he shuffles away. He absentmindedly pets the bird some more, feeling a sense of comfort from touching it.

It reminds him of Kihyun, though for what reason he’s unsure. But, he doesn’t question it for now, as he’s just happy to have some small part of the younger, no matter the source.

As if hearing his thoughts, the bird nuzzles against the side of his head, almost as if to say that it’ll be there for Hyunwoo no matter what…


End file.
